Tuesday, July 06, 2021

Today Is Tuesday July 6 2021, This Is What Happen

 Had to go back to JUNE 22 to see my last letter was "H" and it time to move on to letter "I" and the word I will using is "Individuality" and we're all not the same and some time it hard to take a good look at our self. And figure out what tools we need on our well being. I thought time was 60 or even by time was 40. I would of figured who I am. No I'm still in school of personal growth. I know I need accountability for my self and harming my self with food. I do this quite a few ways. I punish my self with food. I praise my self with food and I occupied my self with food. I should have a common sense healthy eating plan. But I don't stick with it. It doesn't need to be fancy or difficult. 

As a individual I fell off the wagon so many time. I went to T.O.P.S for accountability and being in group help me. When I fell off the wagon and I got back on it lot quicker and easier each time. But what bothers me with T.O.P.S is competitiveness. Confession time...I feel I don't deserve to so called receive an award or be the best. I feel more comfortable setting my goals and competing with my self. When I was in about fourth grade we had test I don't recall the subject. I got 100% and this teacher said I had to cheat because I wasn't smart enough to get that grade. So she send a note with me to give to principle. That I cheated. Well I knew if I got send down to the principle office and my parents found out. I would of got in trouble when I got home. Well the principle gave me lecture about cheating. My parents was never notified. So even to this day I will some how even smallest way self - sabotage. 

Plus there a lot of things I didn't do in school because of politics of competition

So only being to one meeting at O.A one thing I like is there no competitiveness in group. But also I need accountability and once again I can get at O.A Not sure if O.A is what I totally need or not. They suggest to go to six meetings before committing. 

Our local T.O.P.S group was wonderful and I learn so much and gain so much from them. But during covid our group has dissolved. And never started up. The close group is in Sandpoint and meet Monday morning and I still work and don't want to drive.  

Took Regis to Spokane to see his pancreas doctor for his 6 month check up. Than we stop in at doughnut shop on Division, CASUAL FRIDAY DONUTS and stop at a thrift store. I look at fabric and got nothing. Not saying I was tempted. But I did a purse and some blank cards.  Don't recall what Regis got. Stop by Liz son and got her bank card and went to Post Office and got a money order, and that took over to bank across the street, and had them deposit to her land lord account. I keep telling her she has the most expensive storage unit. Since she hardly home. Her daughter in law suggest she get cheaper place. Well it hard to find a place that takes HUD rental voucher. When she was in her deep creek cabins, she was hardly there either. I don't think it matter where she lived. I believe this will be a repeating pattern about being lone. I never seen her every stay at her hutch for more that three days at time. She either over at Regis or her son for weeks at time. It none of business. So I guess my journal is hearing about it. 

As over the weekend when we drove up Myrtle Creek. We need to discuss where we want to live. Well I know either one of us, will get everything we want or need. He ask me if I would stay in house if he died. I would stay a lease year before I made any major decisions on like sell of property. He said he would probably stay

Did a little extra scrubbing on kitchen sink.

Coffee is on and stay safe 

10 comments:

  1. If I had been you I would have told them to test me again, and show them I could have passed the test again. I think that is terrible.

    And now you have me in the mood for donuts!

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  2. That's not easy to decide. We sold the house and moved into a rented apartment, and then the destiny decided different, now he must go in a nursery and I have to stay at least for 3 years in the apartment. That's the contract !

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  3. Anonymous4:15 AM

    At our age it is interesting to think about old matters and what formed us. It sounds like you were treated badly at school and that has had an impact on your life. I guessed already that COVID had killed TOPS.

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  4. I miss thrift stores. I should check if they started accepting donations again. Good question whether we would stay in our homes if spouse dies. My aunt did. Hmm. I would want to.

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  5. Good luck with the planning

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  6. Our local Goodwills and thrift stores never stopped taking stuff. However, they were closed to people shopping. All that is open here in Nashville TN now and has been for awhile.

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  7. I'm glad the OA group isn't competitive. That's awful about that test back in the school days~!

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  8. Nothing like a busy-body-know-it-all teacher to crush the spirit of a child. She should have been fired.

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  9. Teachers have such a huge impact on our lives. I wish it had been different for you.

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  10. That was a terrible teacher. Why some have to act like that...?

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